Embracing A New Season & Letting Go of a Great One

This morning I woke up and I sat on my back porch swing with my Bible next to me, my ipad playing worship music and my trusty journal. As the Lord and I spent time together, I found myself asking Him where to go from where I am right now. For quite some time, I have sensed amidst the attacks and the frustration that a transition was coming for me, that God was ready to shift me into a time of preparation so that a new season could spring forth in His timing. His timing. I am not afraid to admit that I have been impatient with His timing at times, namely this one. We who know the Lord cry out for His timing and yet many times we want to take God’s timing and wind it forward like the stem on a watch. “Could You possibly move things along, God, because I see where You want to take me and I am ready for it?” But we aren’t ready, hence His timing.

You may be thinking that it not okay to have such a dialogue with God. Maybe you are appalled at the thought of speaking to God this way. Let me just say that being real with God will get you farther than self righteousness and pseudo-holiness ever will.  It’s quite all right to be real with God about your frustration. After all, we are His children and He is our Father and real relationship is not always magical and serene. Real relationship with the Lord is raw and truthful and it is in those moments of transparency that God can reach down into the depths of our spirits and pull out the weeds to make more room for the roses in His garden.

I sought the Lord this morning on a matter of direction in this season right now. So many things are getting ready to change for me and for my husband. We are preparing to welcome our first child into our family and our roles will broaden from husband and wife to father and mother. We are stepping into roles that I dare say we both feel ill equipped to receive, but never the less we are excited for this new adventure and for our little world changer who has been prophesied over by her soon-to-be mother before she was even conceived. Not only are there natural transitions but for quite some time, I have sensed the Lord dealing with me about transitioning from the current season that I had embraced several years ago, a season that I have held onto with both hands and diligent faithfulness. I would hear Him speak to me at times that this season was going to end and although my mouth agreed, my heart refused to let go. Call it pride, call it comfort, call it plain stubbornness, or combine all of the above, but I was not ready to let go of this place that I had inhabited for so long. Truth be told, I was intimidated because in part I knew what laid ahead, a time of preparation for the mantle that God has placed upon my life.

So here I sat this morning with God, seeking His direction and asking Him what to do and as I did He spoke this to me,

“Come sit at My feet. It is time to be Mary and not Martha. Come glean from My Word. Come from the populated riverbanks and deeper into the wilderness with Me. Let go. In order to grasp what waits for you in this next season, you must let go of what you hold onto now.”

I found such peace in His Presence when He spoke this to me. I am taking my hand off of the stem of the watch and letting God have His timing back for my life. I am choosing to rest in His Presence and to enjoy the journey, as I was reminded the other day by someone so precious to me. I refuse to despise the day of small beginnings and my heart and my spirit will be relentless in worship unto the Lord, no matter where I am or where I stand. If you are reading this, I hope this encourages you to understand how much God desires to fulfill His purpose in you and through you. Embracing new seasons requires us to let go of the present and plunge fearlessly into the coming one. God has not forgotten what He promised and we should not forget either. Let go. Two simple words that have set me free this morning so that I can embrace the coming season and simply be where He desires me to be. God is good.

Bearing My Soul and My Journal Journey

I sit here with a tattered journal. A journal that captured its purpose almost three years ago when the heavenly realm invaded my home and woke me up to angelic singing. I will never forget that morning. So much has happened since then and I have found myself looking through this journal, wondering what God will speak to me next.

It is full of prophetic songs, prophetic words spoken over me by trusted leaders and revelations from the Father’s heart straight to mine. It is full of joy and intercession, warnings, frustration and wonder as I travel on this journey with God.

For the most part, I have kept things hidden in this journal between myself and the Lord, but on a few occasions He has released me to share from its pages. This journal has been like a friend as we recollect the things spoken between the Father and His daughter and it has encouraged me when I have been in moments of seeming defeat.

Transparency

I wouldn’t be honest if I didn’t say that the season I am in right now is a trying one. It is a season of breaking, refining and forging. Everything in me wants to give all that I am to God and yet I struggle with feeling as if I have nothing to offer of worth. It is a season where recognition is distant and I battle the thoughts that I have been forgotten and passed by while those around me move forward with acceleration.

This year has been a loss for me on different levels and I have fought against torment and demonic attacks that seemed bent on destroying me while through tears of heartbreak and anguish I worship God and tell Him how good He is and how faithful He is.

No one fully saw what I battled, not even my husband. No one saw me break down emotionally in my garage, sobbing and wailing over all of this while trying to compose myself in order to protect the child that is in my womb. No one fully witnessed how I was coming apart at the seams. I hid it as best as I knew how from years of experience and while hell screamed at me, I could hear the voice of the Lord whispering to me, “I will fight for you. You need only to be still.”

I came through on the other side of that time with some scars and a bit battered, but with an assurance that God was with me every step of the way. It would be amazing to say that it had no effect on me and that I was unnerved, but it did affect me and I could sense myself questioning who I was and if I deserved God’s goodness.

The blessing of my journal with God

I opened my journal today to an entry from April 5, 2014. As I read it, I was reminded of who I am in Christ and that His call and gifts are without repentance. His words to me jumped off of the page. Journals are crucial when it comes to the things of God and what He wants to speak to us. When we journal, we are making history with God. It had been a while since I had read through my journal and I was comforted and challenged to accept what He said about me and to discard everything else. As I professed to Him that I was His daughter first and His mouthpiece second, He responded with this:

                   “You are My prophet, you are My psalmist, you are My ready writer. Begin to call forth the prophetic revelation to flow with ease. Begin to ask Me for prophetic revelation. For those who seek Me and ask Me find Me and I give unto them what they ask. Remove the idols from My temple. You are My temple and for the pure stream of My anointing to flow in the depth and strength which I desire to flow, everything in you must die. Every desire, every fleshly craving. Repent of these things and completely destroy these idols once and for all. Do not play games with My Presence or your calling.

Consecrate yourself to Me. It will not be easy, but My burden is light and My grace is sufficient for you. The more you deny your flesh and your desires, the greater I will consume you. You cannot fathom what I will do when you are yielded unto Me. I long to commune with  you, to bear My heart to you. The secret place will be your residence and you will be My habitation, if you will yield. Begin to declare and decree. Tear down strongholds and seek Me for divine revelation. Make prayer and intercession a staple of your spiritual diet. Feast on My Word frequently and practice and host My Presence persistently.

If you ask Me for the hidden things, I will show you. Be obedient to Me. I am your Father and I withhold nothing good from you…My Spirit is operating through you. Let My glory rest in you and flow through you. Do not be afraid, I am always with you. I am ready to speak through you My daughter, My prophet, My psalmist, My ready writer. I love you beyond your comprehension. Let your life reflect that love and live boldly, freely and glorify Me…remain teachable. I will teach you how to be a prophet. Just follow Me and you will never go wrong.”

     I love the Lord so much. He is my Rock and my Fortress. Without Him, I would be nothing. This journal has been a blessing to me. It reminds me of the precious times I have had with the Lord and it takes me back on the journey with Him when the times arise that I consider giving up. This journal continues to confirm to me that quitting is not an option because I have come too far with God to stop now. So let the breaking and the refining and the forging carry on and let my life remain hidden in You, Lord because this is where I come alive.Becoming more like Christ carries a cost and He’s worth it.